do these line read ok?

Question

I'm in the process of writing a short story about a man at mid-life crises age. These couple of line don't read right to me. Can you give me a second opinion?

----

The Blue Danube played loudly as the fountains of Belagio did their thing.

Why was he still stuck in the past? He had come to Vegas to take his mind off of his troubles. It seemed to be working only as much as drunk twenty-somethings, hookers, and gambling tended to, which is to say, not at all.

Answer 1

i think it should be "the fountains of the Bellagio" and "take his mind off his troubles" but other than that it looks/sounds alright =op the first is possessive the fountains belong to the Bellagio and i think that's whats its called anyways "off of" is a prepositional phrase i think and Bellagio is spelled wrong lol =op good luck

Answer 2

We can tweak them a bit. Bellagio is misspelled. For your consideration:



First sentence: If this is meant to be written in a gruff, 'Bulldog Drummond' style, the first sentence is fine



otherwise:



The Blue Danube played loudly as the fountains of the Bellagio danced in splendor to the music.



Why was he still stuck in the past? OK



He had come to Vegas to take his mind off of his troubles. OK



It seemed to be working only to the same extent that drunk, twenty-somethings, hookers, and gamblers were relieved of their troubles, which is to say, not at all.



or



It seemed to be working only to the same extent that drinking heavily, soliciting hookers, and gambling relieved one of his troubles, which is to say, not at all.

Answer 3

i think of once you're going for a Harry Potter-boy unearths himself-teen to youthful person novel, then the terrorist element ought to be slightly too heavy. additionally, i don't think of the mothers and fathers might merely call the law enforcement officers and flow to mattress if there replaced right into a great explosion by way of fact the consequence of terrorists-they had probably flow loopy and evacuate the section. i might placed it in the 1st guy or woman, it ought to be quite exciting that way (the youngsters strategies and evaluations, etc.).

Answer 4

OK