Is the following English message correct?

Question

Hello everybody,

I am a web developer and I already submitted the web-based system that I have developed to the Customer for testing it. Now, I want to send him a message for asking him about the news of testing it since we should release the system as soon as possible to do a presentation to the Manager about it with a real data not testing data.

I want to make sure from the message that I will send it to him. Could you please check it for me?

MESSAGE:
Good afternoon xxxxxxx,

Any news regarding testing of the system? Because as you know, we should release the system as soon as possible since the Manager asked us to do the xxxxxx presentation with a real product and real data. The MIS presentation will be on 25th of February and we need to do a dry-run with a real data, too.

Best Regards,
my name

Answer 1

Here are a few minor edits:



Good afternoon xxxxxxx,



Do you have any news regarding testing of the system? As you know, we should release the system as soon as possible since the manager asked us to do the xxxxxx presentation with a real product and with real data. The MIS presentation will be on the 25th of February and we need to do a dry-run with the real data.



Best Regards,

my name

Answer 2

Good afternoon xxxxxxx,



Any news regarding THE system TESTS? As you know, we SHALL BE RELEASING the system as soon as possible, since the Manager asked us to do the xxxxxx presentation with a real product and real data. The MIS presentation will be on 25th of February and we need to do a dry-run with real data, too.

Answer 3

It should be more 'to the point', as a business letter, you should always be aware of 'time is money, meaning, your customer may have already made up his/her mind and doesn't need a sermon or has the time.



Dear Mr/Miss/Madam (name),

(If you have the clients name)



In regards to the web-based system submitted to you for approval, I would appreciate a response ASAP. As you know, timing is imperative for maximum exposure. I anticipate going online soon with your material to an eagerly awaiting public for such wonderful products.



Sincerely,

Your name.

Answer 4

i think it should be:

Any news regarding the testing of the system?

and also there shouldn't be a comma before the too at the end

Answer 5

Sounds perfectly English to me:-)

Answer 6

yesss!!!absolutely..!!