Is there something wrong with these sentences?

Question

I am reading a story for my English course and it's about a girl who claims she is good at English, but the way she is writing contradicts that.

Can you tell me what's wrong with these sentences?

1. “He had a nice way, and he took me out in his car, which was a good one, but dirty inside, like his place.”

2. "There were contemporary pictures on the walls, but the furniture was not contemporary, but old-fashioned, with covers which were past standing up to another wash, I should say."

These sentences seem kind of awkward to me. I'm too tired to look for more awkward sentences, so there's only two. These were the ones that stood out to me.

Thank-you for you help!

Answer 1

the first comma is superfluous since it connects an independent and dependent clause and should be omitted. (What's a "nice way"?) To make it run smoother, it should be two sentences or change the wording:



He had a nice way and took me out in his car, which was, like his place, dirty on the inside.







it's a run-on sentence. Grammatically it's sound, but you wouldn't write this; it's too awkward. should be two sentences like this (the first ending right before the second "but" or it could change the wording to make it less awkward (something like this):



There were contemporary pictures on the walls, but the furniture was old-fashioned with covers that couldn't take another wash.





HOPE THAT HELPED!

Answer 2

1. “He had a nice way, and he took me out in his car, which was a good one, but dirty inside, like his place.”

I think this is too segmented, trying to talk about too many thing all in one sentence. Perhaps it would be better if it were split into two sentences and the language made a bit more sophisticated.



2. "There were contemporary pictures on the walls, but the furniture was not contemporary, but old-fashioned, with covers which were past standing up to another wash, I should say."

I think mainly the repetition of the word contemporary, maybe if it was changed to 'there were contemporary pictures on the walls, which contrasted to the old-fashioned furniture, with covers.....'

Answer 3

"There were contemporary pictures on the walls, ****The furniture was not contemporary, but old-fashioned, with covers which were past standing up to another wash, I should say."



dont need two buts in the same sentence, put ** where i fixed. cant see anything wrong with the first one

Answer 4

theres more than one compound sentence, but that is just the style of writing. there are also run-on sentences

he had a nice way and he took me out in his good car which was dirty inside just like his place would be what a normal student would write. a lot of books are written like this style so readers want to read it more because the details of the "thing" always follow the "thing" instead of having it some before

its also about a girl narrating so she can talk however she wants to.

Answer 5

They seem awkward because there are too many commas. It almost seems like you're trying to end run on sentences by putting in commas. You can split each of the two sentences in two and it would seem right. Your English gets a bit screwed up because you are trying to cram too much information into one sentence

Answer 6

Looks okay - the sentences are stylistic, but grammatically not problematic.



PS - tell the "English major" down below that she needs to read James Joyce a few more times.

Answer 7

if youhave ever read charles dickens, you'll know that some sentences seem wierd to us but were perfectly fine in his time and are still fine today. so perhaps its that sorta situation because the class english-as-a-second-language books teach a little different than we usually speak.



long story short,they seem alright to me

Answer 8

1 - the thoughts aren`t connective , absolute phrases are misused and cut the sentence up. there are too many commas , and they`re all misplaced.



2 - ' but ' is redundant and is rather irrelevant.

Answer 9

The sentences are run-ons. There needs to be more than one sentence.

Answer 10

the sentences are just many thoughts put together

Answer 11

no, its just here writing style. everyone exprresses things diffrently but i can see how you could misinterprate it

Answer 12

They R strange, but they have good grammer

Answer 13

i think they have overused commas.

Answer 14

seem fine