Does my story sound good? Honest opinions?

Question

My story is Sci-fi based. I hope one day to make a game or even a film based around it. But what I want is your honest opinion. I apologise if there are any spelling errors, but please take the time to read through all of it. Thank you.

In 2492, Commander Hayes sets out to track down a notorious pirate known as 'Ozone'. After countless years of bloodshed between Pirate forces and UNR infantry, pirates are loathed and hated across the galaxy. The Commander; who is a famous Guardian known throughout the human homeworlds, is given a dangerous mission to uphold. Malynthis is were Ozone is based. A planet drowning in sex, gangs, drugs and violence; the UNR fails to claim control over this ceedy homeworld. Due to this reason the Malynthian global defense force A.K.A the MGDF are put in charge. There role however is abused as the corrupt government looks out for it's own, raping and killing innocents and grabbing all the money they can get there hands on. In New Esonna (A city on Malynthis) a Resistance forms, hoping to stop the MGDF once and for all. After the arrival of the Commander, the UNR inform him that he is on his own and that he should NOT reveal his identity to anyone as the UNR are hated on Malynthis. During his persute, Hayes is unfortunatly captured by the pirates and try to sell him over to the 'Well known gang'. But as a Guardian (specially trained for tight situations) he manages to escape the grasp of both gangsters and pirates, killing the Gang leader in the making. After his escape the gangs throughout New Esonna learn of the Commanders actions and a bounty of 5,000,000 credits is placed on his head. After his escape the Commander heads to O'Kiou (New Esonna's Slum district), where he meets the resistance. As a Guardian the Resistance takes a disliking to him, informing him that the UNR have allowed the MGDF to do such horrific actions because they are to busy dealing with the Pirate threat. Soon the Commander finds himself leading a revolution to stop the MGDF, hunting down Ozone and avoiding capture from the rival gangs. Throughout the story the Commander manages to finally kill Ozone and manages to negotiate with the gangs to spare him, which leads to there alligence with the Resistance to stop the MGDF. Towards the end of the story, the Commander discovers the only reason the MGDF have stolen so much money from the people of New Esonna is because they wish to discover/excavate an ancient alien artifact hidden beneath the surface of Malynthis, an artifact capable of destroying all life in the galaxy. Colonel Pravus (the main villian) activates the artifact, only to be possessed by some kind of demon. He is soon killed however and the aritfact is deactivated and the city of New Esonna celebrates there victory... the galaxy was saved.... ?

'Some kind of demon' I have a whole idea for this 'Demon' and it appears later in the series, taking a much bigger role.
'Well known gang' still haven't came up with a name.
The story is still in early development, I hope you enjoyed this however.

Answer 1

Sounds interesting. Could imagine this as a sci-fi tv series (because of the amount of story you could get out of it. Definately should keep pushing towards your goals. I mean I wouldn't mind watching a series like that sounds awesome! Good Luck for finishing it!

Answer 2

Cool story. Too long to read.

Answer 3

cool