Does this paragraph sound ok? Please help? kthnx.?

Question

Does this sound alright:

"And this is where I know things are going to get even worse. If I tell them I don’t know who Brian is, they’ll kill me. If I tell them I do know who Brian is, they’ll kill me. And if I spend too much time thinking about my answer, they’ll kill me. I hear the man sigh, and I realize it’s too late, they already know the answer. He pulls out a thick envelope and unties it slowly. I am sure he still expects me to answer him. He reaches into it. I know what he wants me to say."

Thank you!

Answer 1

Well, I didn't see any spelling errors, or any grammatical errors. I think it sounds great!



Crap, now I REALLY want to know what's going on in the story lol. Very nice job. I hope to see the whole story someday. =]



-Mairose.

Answer 2

At this point I know things are going to get even worse. Telling them I know who Brian is, or telling them I don't know who his is, will have the same result - they'll kill me. And if I spend too much time even thinking about my answer, they'll kill me. Hearing the man's sigh, I realize it's already too late; they already know the answer. He pulls out a thick envelope and, untying it slowly, reaches into it. I'm positive he still expects me to answer him.... and I know what he wants me to say.

To me, this sounds more dramatic and effective. Just my opinion, tho.

Answer 3

sounds fine to me- what happens before and after this paragraph? im curious!