Another quick question. Can you find anything wrong with this sentence?

Question

Anything wrong with this sentence?

Russia has since flexed its muscle by recognizing the independence of both, provoking furious worldwide condemnation as an attempt to re-draw a sovereign country's borders.

My friend is telling me it's wrong. It should be "Russia has since flexed its muscles by recognizing the independence of both, and the move has provoked furious worldwide condemnation as an attempt to re-draw a sovereign country's borders."

I don't see anything wrong with the first sentence - the second sentence is just more wordy.

Answer 1

You left me at the first part of the sentence. It should read.." Russia has since flexed it's muscles by recognizing the independence of both, THEREFORE provoking..."



hOPES THIS HELPS.

Answer 2

Basically, you're right. Omit needless words.



However, it's best written:



Russian has since flexed its muscles by recognizing the independence of both, thus attempting to re-draw a sovereign country's borders and provoking furious worldwide condemnation.

Answer 3

I agree there's nothing really wrong with your version, but I think the second is a little more readable, even if it is longer. Consider breaking it up into 2 sentences.

Answer 4

Should read at the attempt not as an attempt.

Answer 5

Your friend just likes to include unneeded explanation. Its a sort of paranoia.

Answer 6

it's a run on sentence

Answer 7

I think it's fine like it is.

Answer 8

i don't see anything wrong.