How do native English speakers express the following sentences more naturally in formal speech?

Question

Interviewer: We have heard an unfavourable rumor or two that the development of the next Super Mario game got cancelled in its early stages.

Producer: Oh, definitely not. On the contrary, our team has been steadily putting some serious effort into development and aiming for its release within 2013 as initially intended.

Producer: Without wishing to spoil anything, we have a sort of pleasant surprise in store for you fans when the title gets released in 2013. As a matter of fact, it is for this surprising element that we must stick to the scheduled release date at all costs.

Producer: For further information, please look forward to our stage show tomorrow where we will talk extensively about our future titles for five hours or so. Regretfully, we cannot show you any new trailers of the game during the course of this year’s E3 exposition. We appreciate your understanding on this matter as there is a certain rationale behind this decision, about which I cannot go into details now, unfortunately.


I’ve translated the spoken sentences above from Japanese into English as practice to improve my English. I’d appreciate any corrections or advice on expressing them more naturally with different phrases or sentence structures. Thank you very much.

Answer 1

I assume the intended level of formality is one appropriate for a televised news broadcast. If so, you've hit your target.





One informality I see here is your use of the word "get" as the auxiliary verb of the passive voice construction. More formally, you should use "the game was canceled" and "when the title is released".



Another informality is your use of "sort of". If your intention is to soften the strength of the phrase "pleasant surprise", you may wish to consider using "somewhat" or "little". If your intention is to narrow its focus, consider using "kind of" or "bit of". It's common in informal speech to use "sort of" (often rendered "sorta") to mean "barely" or to not carry any meaning at all. I would recommend avoiding it in formal contexts, except when some literal sorting operation is implied.



Something seems slightly awkward in the parallelism between "putting . . . effort into development" and "aiming for its release". It may sound more natural to break these thoughts into independent clauses, such as "Our team has been steadily putting some serious effort into development, and we are still aiming for its release in 2013."



In fact, the phrase "aiming for" feels a little informal. Options include "targeting" and "pursuing". Or, you can bring "intended" forward as the main verb, such as "we are still intending to release the game in 2013."





None of these informalities are glaring. They would go unnoticed on most nightly news broadcasts.





You may have noticed that I did not use "within 2013". Normally, "within" implies that we're already inside the bounds of the given timeframe, such as when something needs to be done within the next two weeks. Since I'm still living in 2012, I don't yet have reason to say "within 2013". In fact, I wouldn't say "within 2012" this year. I'd simply say "this year". For timeframes that do not include the present moment, simply use "in".



I would recommend you add a comma between "stage show tomorrow" and "where we will talk". It's not required, but it does add clarity to the subordinate nature of the fairly long clause.





Your written English is good enough that I can only suggest that you weigh these options. There is nothing here that warrants outright correction. For all I know, you've correctly portrayed the kinds of slips and misses that extemporaneous speech, however formal, naturally entails.

Answer 2

i think you've done amazingly well.



but if i -HAD- to find something... i would take out 'sort of'...Without wishing to spoil anything, we have what we hope will be a pleasant surprise for you fans when the title gets released in 2013.



For more information, please come to our stage show tomorrow where we will talk extensively about our future titles for about five hours.



and i think i'd leave off 'unfortunately'. you've already said 'regrefully' and it relates to both sentences.

Answer 3

For the situation they are in, your sentences are fine. They are a little formal, but when people are making announcements or doing interviews, they often do use formal forms. The only phrases that might be a little over the top are these:



Without wishing to spoil anything- could be "Without spoiling anything" or "I don't want to spoil anything but..."

Regretfully- could be "unfortunately"

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I would change very little. This is well written!

The first sentence could become, "We have heard a couple of unfavourable rumors..."



"it is for this surprising element" would usually be "it is for the element of surprise"



"about which I unfortunately cannot go into details now."