Some long food puns
(1)This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Wow ! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?"
"Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything ... meat, fish, toast, vegetables ... you name it!"
"That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."
"Why chrome?" the man asked.
"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
(2) Gary Kasparov and Bobby Fischer meet up by chance in the lobby of a large fancy hotel. They both had been drinking on a cold December night and they sat down in the lobby to talk about their lives.
Well, Gary and Bobby are not quiet drunks, so the conversation got quite involved, and revolved mostly on which gambit was better and what the best end move strategeries were.
Well, this hotel had the rooms ring the lobby, so people started to come out of their rooms and see what the rhubarb was about.
But no one was upset at being woke up from their slumber.
For who doesn't enjoy chess nuts boasting in an open foyer?
(3) There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them.
Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed.
Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring.
The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married.
Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired."
"No problem, dearie," said one of the old ladies. "After all, nothing says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best."
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Some short food puns
1.may god give PEACE to OLIVE us PEACE to u
2.may it be your will, that we get a RAISIN in CELERY at work this year !!
3.I hope God will keep OLIVE us JUICE safe. (olive=all of; juice=Jews)
4.OLIVE the iraqies arent GRAPE at making PEAS with us!
5.I hope there will be PEACE in Israel. (peas)
6.on rosh ha shana, let there be chiken so that god nows to CHIKEN on us!
7.May it be your will, God, that in the new year I am able to do OLIVE my homework.
8.A dessert made from sponge cake, espresso syrup and zabaione, layered and shaped into a crown = Tiaramisu.
9. "And what does this mustard really make you think of, Mr. Patient?"
10.But how could you resist being tacky when you got to the melons?
11.Meat filled pastry. Pastry is of plantain and deep fried with the savory meat filling. Make it up with two crowning points and three whiskers on each side of a button nose, and you've a new recipe for cat: Acatpurria (alcapurria)
12.Humble pie - pastry, filled with very unpretentious delicacies, that leave you feeling meek, subdued, and somewhat shameful over the last thing you have said.
Pork Pies - delicate pastry, filled with pork seasoned with special herbs that makes you tell fibs uncontrollably.
Perhaps we could call this site the Pseudobakery now.
13.hot potato and leek soup, served in a bowl with miniscule holes all over it... careful, leave it on a plate or put it in another bowl, and never ever hold it over your lap. keep a napkin or three in reach at all times.
little mcdonald's style "HOT!" espresso-cup-shaped cups of cafe-aulait, given free to people in a hurry to leave... (cafe-how-late... hah hah.)
and for the tortilla chips, guacamole, sculpted into a noctournal, digging rodent with a surprised expression (gawk a mole-y) or salsa in a bowl with a contraption on the bottom that plays a rather tinny but still festive mambo tune... for that matter, tortilla chips stamped into turtle shapes with a cookie-cutter (tortoise chips)
14.Mexican tortilla filled with shark meat - mako taco.
15.How to make a sausage roll: push it.